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I just moved into a nice apartment near Nana with my boyfriend of five years. Things are going great, but the noise is driving me crazy! Passing cars and motorbikes at all hours of the night, I’m hardly getting any sleep. I used to live further away, and I didn’t know the noise was going to be such a problem. My boyfriend keeps saying I’ll get used to it and he doesn’t want to move out because we both work in town. However, I don’t mind traveling 30 minutes extra if it means I can get some rest! It seems a silly thing to fight over, but this lack of sleep is really stressing me out. What should I do?
Sleepless in Soi 11
■ That’s not a silly thing to fight over at all. We all need sleep and when our sleep is being disrupted regularly it really can affect us. You say things are going great – hopefully that includes with your relationship, in which case this is something that you need to discuss with your boyfriend. It’s possible he’s correct when he says you’ll get used to the noise, but it’s also possible that won’t happen – some people are just lighter sleepers than others, and so are more affected by noise during the night.
Either way, I imagine him just telling you you’ll get used to might feel a bit dismissive to you, which is not really sufficient if this is something that’s really affecting you. In a healthy relationship, your partner will be concerned about your needs, as long as he is aware of how serious it is to you. I’m sure if he was getting very poor sleep for days or weeks on end then he would not be OK with it and would want to find a solution.
In order to ensure he understands, you need to make it clear to him that moving may need to be considered if your sleep doesn’t improve, and that maybe there are options that can meet both your needs. There are condo buildings in town that are on quieter sois, or on higher floors, where there is far less street noise. This could work for both of you as long as you are prepared to spend some time looking for the right place.
But moving condo may take some time to arrange. Maybe explain to him that you’re willing to work towards a longer-term solution with him, but in the meantime you need to find some way that will help you sleep better in the shorter-term, while you either wait to get used to the noise, or find somewhere quieter to live.
I’d suggest you ask for his assistance with this. It’s unlikely there’ll be anything that will solve the problem completely right now, but by asking him to help find some ways to improve your sleep while you wait to move somewhere else, it can help improve his understanding and appreciation of your needs. Also, there’s a better chance that two of you might come up with some better ideas than just you alone, and working on this together can be a good thing for your relationship. Good luck!
The love of my life just asked me to marry him! I said ‘yes’ and I have absolutely no doubts. Here’s the problem: we both want a small, intimate wedding with just a few friends and our immediate family. However, our parents are insisting that we invite the aunts, uncles, important ajarns (teachers) and all their friends. The “plus one” is quickly turning into a “plus 200.” We really don’t have the energy to host a wedding for 800 people, but we don’t want to disappoint our parents…I hope you can help.
-I do or I don’t
First of all, congratulations! This is a very exciting moment in your life and it makes perfect sense you want to celebrate it in the way that’s most significant and enjoyable for you. However, it also makes sense that this is an exciting time for your respective parents and that they also want to celebrate it in the way they have probably dreamed about.
This clash of expectations between what you want and what your parents want will understandably cause some disagreement because all of you feel justified in your position. You believe in your right to celebrate your own wedding in the way you would like, but it’s quite possible your parents are feeling some obligation to invite certain relatives, teachers and friends because not inviting them could be considered a social snub, resulting in a loss of face or being seen as impolite. The whole issue may be complicated further if your parents are paying for some or all of the wedding, giving them a greater perception that they should have a say in who attends.
Do your parents know how important it is to you to have a smaller wedding? And do you really understand why your parents want to invite all these extra people? The most likely way for this issue to be resolved would be for all of you to understand each other’s position by discussing it with your parents. Could you arrange a meeting with you, your partner and all your parents? This could be a good chance to hear each other out, acknowledge each other’s needs and wants, and start to find some sort of compromise that works OK for everyone.
The aim of this meeting would be to ensure everyone can speak their mind with the purpose of reaching a reasonable solution that will make each side happy and avoid getting into an argument. Keeping notes of what is said might help keep everyone on track. It might also help if you and your partner prepare for the meeting by knowing exactly who you want to invite and why.
Hopefully such a meeting will help everyone understand each other a bit more and possibly generate some ideas for how to meet everyone’s needs. For example, could you compromise a bit on the number invited to the wedding, and then if your parents want to celebrate this big life moment with extended family and friends, could that happen separately from the wedding day, by maybe having a less formal celebration with everyone a few weeks later? Encourage everyone to consider alternate ideas that might mostly meet everyone’s desires in a less conventional way.
Weddings are exciting, but they are also often quite stressful. Of course, you want to enjoy your day and celebrate as you see appropriate, and it’s very reasonable to ask your parents to respect that. Good luck in staying true to your wishes while also finding a way to also keep your parents satisfied rather than disappointed.