Professional mind coach Angela Farlam explains why getting the best out of expat life starts with mastering your thoughts
DAILY life is full of decisions. From small decisions like what to watch on TV, and what clothes to wear, to larger, more life changing decisions, like – should I really quit my job and run off to join the circus? There are also times we struggle to make any decisions at all.
The struggle happens because of what we do on the inside. We ‘think.’ We can’t not think; we are human beings and we have been given this wonderful gift of thought, together with the gift of consciousness, which allows us to be aware of the fact that we are thinking.
When we have trouble making a decision, it is our ‘thinking’ that gets in the way – ‘we might make the wrong decision and then what?’
But what if it wasn’t possible to make a wrong decision? What if the outcome of our decisions isn’t as important as the actual journeys – whether good or bad – that our decisions end up taking us on?
The struggle happens because of what we do on the inside. We ‘think.’ We can’t not think; we are human beings and we have been given this wonderful gift of thought, together with the gift of consciousness, which allows us to be aware of the fact that we are thinking.
When we have trouble making a decision, it is our ‘thinking’ that gets in the way – ‘we might make the wrong decision and then what?’
But what if it wasn’t possible to make a wrong decision? What if the outcome of our decisions isn’t as important as the actual journeys – whether good or bad – that our decisions end up taking us on?
What was your reason for moving abroad?
I am often asked why I left the UK and my answer, quite honestly, is ‘for the sunshine.’ I will admit that the reason seems shallow; I wish I had a more interesting and potent reason for what some people consider to be a momentous decision.
The thing is, when I made my decision eleven years ago, I wasn’t thinking that the move would be forever – my reasoning was that it seemed like a great opportunity and if it didn’t work out, then we could always return to England.
A popular term within the Australian expat community is ‘Ping-pong Brits.’ This refers to people who can’t settle into their new life in Australia, so return home only to find they are lost and soon plan on returning to Australia. Some people do this more than once, ‘ping-ponging’ back and forth.
So is it any wonder people hesitate to take the plunge and make the decision to move abroad?
Happiness is all in the mind
If you’re not sure what you’ve been thinking lately, and you’re unhappy with your expat existence, take a look around. What you focus on increases, so whatever has been showing up over time is what you’ve been focusing on. Even if you say affirmations every day, and have certain goals you’d like to achieve, if what you want isn’t happening, then your recent behaviour should tell you what you’ve really been thinking.
Awareness is the first step to allowing yourself to choose a new thought. Focus on what you want and start feeling how you’ll feel when you’ve got it.
It sounds easy, but I guarantee almost every client who has a problem and I ask them, ‘What would your life be like if I could wave a magic wand and your life is just how you want it to be?’ The answer is always a list of what they don’t want!
If I said to you now, ‘don’t think about a pink elephant,’ I bet I can guess what will appear in your mind!
I am often asked why I left the UK and my answer, quite honestly, is ‘for the sunshine.’ I will admit that the reason seems shallow; I wish I had a more interesting and potent reason for what some people consider to be a momentous decision.
The thing is, when I made my decision eleven years ago, I wasn’t thinking that the move would be forever – my reasoning was that it seemed like a great opportunity and if it didn’t work out, then we could always return to England.
A popular term within the Australian expat community is ‘Ping-pong Brits.’ This refers to people who can’t settle into their new life in Australia, so return home only to find they are lost and soon plan on returning to Australia. Some people do this more than once, ‘ping-ponging’ back and forth.
So is it any wonder people hesitate to take the plunge and make the decision to move abroad?
Happiness is all in the mind
If you’re not sure what you’ve been thinking lately, and you’re unhappy with your expat existence, take a look around. What you focus on increases, so whatever has been showing up over time is what you’ve been focusing on. Even if you say affirmations every day, and have certain goals you’d like to achieve, if what you want isn’t happening, then your recent behaviour should tell you what you’ve really been thinking.
Awareness is the first step to allowing yourself to choose a new thought. Focus on what you want and start feeling how you’ll feel when you’ve got it.
It sounds easy, but I guarantee almost every client who has a problem and I ask them, ‘What would your life be like if I could wave a magic wand and your life is just how you want it to be?’ The answer is always a list of what they don’t want!
If I said to you now, ‘don’t think about a pink elephant,’ I bet I can guess what will appear in your mind!
Just do it!
‘Fear is peeing your pants. Courage is doing what you’re supposed to do with wet pants’ – Author Unknown
I encourage you to do something every day that scares you (nothing too dangerous, of course!). This will help you realize that it isn’t actually the thing you are scared of, but simply your thoughts about the thing. Soon, you will find you can do anything you want to. You will gain a sense of freedom from knowing that every outcome is just feedback – either a win/win or a win/learn situation. There is no such thing as failure.
Realisation
The biggest misunderstanding that creates unease in life is that we think we have to believe our thoughts. But feelings do not tell us about any particular situation, event, relationship, job etc, they are just an indicator of our insecure thoughts at that moment. Our feelings change as our mood (or more specifically, our thoughts) change.
Practice noticing your feelings at any given moment. Accept if you feel in a low mood rather than trying to change it. Sit with it, notice your thoughts, and rather than acting on the thoughts, allow them to pass you by. When you are not feeding a thought it has nowhere else to go other than to disappear, allowing space for a new thought to come in.
We can’t stop thinking; it is a fact of life. But, when we begin to notice our thoughts and stop believing all the insecure thoughts in our mind, life begins to change as if by magic.
For more information regarding how our thoughts create our reality, I highly recommend reading Clarity by Jamie Smart, and The Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neill.
If you are unable to apply the above understanding and have been increasingly low in your mood, I would always suggest booking an appointment with a specialist who can give you help and advice.
I am also available for Skype/phone coaching to help you with my professional and personal experience through some of the common hurdles of transitioning into a new life.
‘Fear is peeing your pants. Courage is doing what you’re supposed to do with wet pants’ – Author Unknown
I encourage you to do something every day that scares you (nothing too dangerous, of course!). This will help you realize that it isn’t actually the thing you are scared of, but simply your thoughts about the thing. Soon, you will find you can do anything you want to. You will gain a sense of freedom from knowing that every outcome is just feedback – either a win/win or a win/learn situation. There is no such thing as failure.
Realisation
The biggest misunderstanding that creates unease in life is that we think we have to believe our thoughts. But feelings do not tell us about any particular situation, event, relationship, job etc, they are just an indicator of our insecure thoughts at that moment. Our feelings change as our mood (or more specifically, our thoughts) change.
Practice noticing your feelings at any given moment. Accept if you feel in a low mood rather than trying to change it. Sit with it, notice your thoughts, and rather than acting on the thoughts, allow them to pass you by. When you are not feeding a thought it has nowhere else to go other than to disappear, allowing space for a new thought to come in.
We can’t stop thinking; it is a fact of life. But, when we begin to notice our thoughts and stop believing all the insecure thoughts in our mind, life begins to change as if by magic.
For more information regarding how our thoughts create our reality, I highly recommend reading Clarity by Jamie Smart, and The Inside Out Revolution by Michael Neill.
If you are unable to apply the above understanding and have been increasingly low in your mood, I would always suggest booking an appointment with a specialist who can give you help and advice.
I am also available for Skype/phone coaching to help you with my professional and personal experience through some of the common hurdles of transitioning into a new life.
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